November 2013

In a bit of my confusion, I believe this will be the best way to describe my daughter, she was 4 years old at the time. I am convinced with what J.O’Rouke said about raising children; “everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them,” he said.

Certainly, we all know how girls, in particular, do act as mothers while taking care of their dolls… and if you are feminine, you’ll understand better because we all played that role and so much more. J.M. Barrie in Peter Pan said; “On these magic shores children at play are forever beaching their coracles. We too have been there; we can still hear the sound of the surf, though we shall land no more.”

Yar Fulani a Turai also plays, and I remember vividly how I used to turn every spacious corner of our living room into my playground; my mother had to remove all her things from the storeroom and converted it into a play area, so she could save her living room and arrange her things according to her taste…I am sure the masculine will never understand how happy I was; so narrating it will be of less use.

Now, still, a first-time mother am more confused than ever, because unlike the child’s imitation of the roles of parents which begins and ends with the dolls that cannot utter a word, nor eats, excretes or even fall sick; in reality, parenting is entirely a new learning process.

As the child progresses into the next stage in life, you’ll realize that all the experiences you’ve learned from studying his attitudes remain there within the stage; and as he moves to the next, so should you in order to catch up with the new challenges.

You cannot carry the experiences of a previous stage into the next, maybe few, as each stage comes along with its own expectations; and the learning process begins all over again.

Parenting is a form of step by step education system parents enrolled at the moment you start having your own children and I must warn, you will never graduate!

“Yes; you’ll never graduate!”

There were moments when I was bragging that I knew and understood my daughter so well that I can actually speak out her gestures, but as she grows the more, I realized I knew nothing because she exhibits new things quite different from the previous stage.

Her new found sense of curiosity, her sense of independence and self-confidence really surprises me; because she has completely changed.

She stops at nothing to get attention to herself; perhaps she’s beginning to understand how influential she could be; because she uses all tactics and even re-strategize when she discovered she’s not winning the game.

She asks questions that one would never have a single clue about or one that you never expect; she taps your shoulder un-countless times to call your attention especially when she felt she’s being ignored.

The newly adopted impatient attitude and tantrums made her no different from most children at her age; as she carefully continues to experiment all those habits and putting them into practice day by day; believe me I get mad sometimes, but what would I do? I am just a mother!

I guess her two older friends next door and her peer in school also made a lot of impact in shaping her new found attitude because children copy each other and that’s a fact. I have to face reality, and as I go about doing my daily business; I know I must incorporate the fact that I will also move to the next class in the parenting school I was enrolled for life.

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Even though it’s interesting to watch children as they explore their environment; one thing to note is that parenting is never an easy job.

In Nigeria today we live in a society where the majority of our youth are into all sorts of crimes and illegal activities and I don’t know who to blame, I don’t even think this is a blame game after all.

Whether we like it or not, as parents we have a great responsibility to play in shaping the future of our children; because there is a limit to what someone can do for your child in that regards!

Parents are supposed to be the role models for their children; as an American writer, Jim Henson pointed out. He said; “Kids don’t remember what you try to teach them, but they remember what you are,” and because children start by imitating their parents; it is however very important to show them the best of you.

I am sure no parent will be happy to be attributed to a child with a bad habit; so we all have to make sure we do our best right from the time they are born to the time they grow; and that is why I said parenting is a school which once enrolled, parents will never graduate from.

On a funny note; be rest assured that you’ll get your certificate the moment you are enrolled, and it is up to you to upgrade it in a good way or otherwise as you progress into the parenting stages!

German Writer Johann Wolfgang said; “A man’s manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait.”

I believe this goes with the fact that children always reflect who you are and the type of influence you’ve made on them; positive or otherwise.

I once heard a quote; but can’t remember who said it, saying; “The hardest job children face today is learning good manners without seeing any around them”. This shows that for children to really be good kids they must have seen some good manners displayed by their parents, and that is why it is very important that parents try as much as possible to shun any bad manners.

In as much as we want the best for our children, we also have to try as much as we could to make our children the best; so that together we can guarantee a brighter future for them.

32nd President of the United States Franklin D. Roosevelt once said; “we may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.”